Music Beyond Living

Who knew I had problems? That I have mental and physical problems.. That whenever I’m at my happiest, something comes along and shits it all up. Just to punish me. To tell me I don’t deserve to be happy. I actually don’t. And I never will. Who knew I was so dark? Who knew I was so depressed? Who knew? Ever since the recent things that happened to me, it made me open my eyes. Made me realize that that’s me. That’s who I really am. Should I be proud of it? Am I proud of it? Not entirely.. though it does have its advantages. Such as letting me be open with my feelings. Open with my mind. Which is part of the reason I began to read, write, and listen to some dark music. Come to think of it.. I actually like the new me. That old me would bottle up my thoughts and feelings. But now, I’m starting to see that there are ways and people to help me. That they are there to guide me. Show me the bright side of things. Who knew I had problems.. Who knew I’m a messed up person.. Who knew that writing things on paper, lifts a huge weight off my shoulders.. Who knew..?

Who’s to say I can’t make something of myself? Who’s to say I won’t succeed in life? Who’s to say I’ll end up failing at everything? Well, I say nay. As hard as it may seem, I am strong. I am proud of who I am. I will succeed and not fail. I will make something of myself. I will prove everyone wrong..

I have realized that I need to move on with my life. Move on to the fact that I will never get you back. Never get you back into my arms. Back to you kissing me when I’m in deepest hours. It keeps taunting me. Haunting me every waking moment. I need to face the fact that you’ve moved on. Moved on to some other person. I just hope you’d talk to me like before. Talk to me as if I was your best friend. One you can confide in. One you can trust and let them help you with any problem. I want to be that best friend. Though how can I be that friend if all I get is silence from you? If I continue to get silence for a while, then I’ll have to face the fact that you’ve no longer have interest in me. You’ve possibly forgotten me. Or trying to forget about me. I just hope I’m wrong. That you haven’t forgotten about me. That you still care about me. That I get just a ‘hi’ from you sooner rather than later. Prove to me that I’m wrong. Prove to me that I have friends to confide in. That you confide in me. Therefore, if you do decide to forget me, then I wish you the best. That’s all I can say at this time.